Ambien + No Sleep = Iffy Blog Update

It's 4:30 in the morning. I took some ambien about 5 hours ago, and while I am sleepy and feel a little weird, I still have yet to actually fall asleep. I've heard weird things about ambien-induced crazy talk. Maybe I shouldn't be sharing my thoughts on the world wide web machine right now? I seem to unintentionally offend or embarrass people all the time anyway, so I guess It really couldn't hurt too much, even if I do say something dumb! Maybe the US government will shut down my blog!? (or rather, make it impossible for anybody to access it... sad day for many, I know...)

So yeah, I do wish I could sleep. Maybe it's because I got a betamethazone shot on the right side of my bum, and a progesterone shot in the left side--and it is hard to get comfy on my side with a sore bum/hip on both. Maybe it's because I watched too many episodes of the "Big Bang Theory" and have the theme song stuck in my head. I really do seem to have issues with that theme song. Or maybe it's because I got some surprising news earlier today (or rather, yesterday afternoon), and my mind just won't shut up. I don't want to re-type everything, so here's the update I sent someone in an email about my 33 week OB appointment:

"So things aren't bad by any means, just starting to progress a little earlier than we'd like. At the appointment, my dr. checked my cervix and I'm 1 cm dilated and 60% effaced. Again, not bad, but not great. He sent me to the hospital from there to get a non-stress test (NST) to monitor my contractions and the baby's heartbeat; also, he ordered my first of 2 steroid shots to help the baby's lungs develop, since he'll probably be a bit early. I go in for my second one tomorrow. The NST took about 2 hours longer than it should have; partly because the Labor and Delivery (L&D) unit got really busy, and partly because my little stinker wasn't cooperating terribly well. His heart was right on the border between good and questionable. His heart rate was consistently strong, but he didn't show any of the accelerations/spikes that they needed to see. But after a bottle of orange juice, he was all over the place (in a good way), and they let me come home ; )! I had one of those NST tests when I was pregnant with Max, and he did the exact same thing. What can I say, my boys are troublemakers from the very beginning!

Based on medical research, I guess 34 weeks is the magic number. For me, that's one week from today. I'd feel more comfortable delivering past 37 weeks, but apparently, the research shows that preventing delivery past 34 weeks really doesn't show much affect on the baby. That's comforting, but the thought of having a baby so soon is making me pretty nervous too : ). Heavenly Father is definitely taking care of us, and I trust that He'll continue to do so (even if it's in a way that I don't understand or 'agree with')."

I think that the most surprising thing for me to learn yesterday was how chill my doctor is about me having the baby as long as I'm 34 wks along. Have I had my sights set too high trying to make it to 37? The thing about the research makes sense, and I sincerely trust my doctor. This pregnancy was not planned, and I think I've been in denial about it quite a bit until fairly recently. Also, I've been somewhat anxious about the 'what ifs' and have struggled with fears of not wanting to get attached to my baby just yet. And now that he's in a place where he could survive (with help) if born soon, I've started to get more attached, but am freaking out about this "new" thought of having a third child. THREE KIDS? I'm 27 years old. Max is 19 months old. Alex and I will be outnumbered even when we're together! And when it's just me...I only have 2 hands!! Yikes. At least we have a minivan already, AND I have come to like Diet Coke (that should get me into some sort of 'Utah Moms' club or something, right???)

So for the next week I'm on strict bed rest, then we'll see beyond that. I can handle a week, that's not a big deal. I guess that I'm feeling entirely too unprepared for this to happen though, so staying down is the last thing I want to do. Alex has yet to find employment since his incident with Cafe Zupas. With all of these ups and downs with the pregnancy though, it has been an incredible blessing to have him home to take care of Mya and Max. An incredible blessing. He's so amazing, so patient, so wonderful at being an attentive daddy and concerned husband. Last night I added about a bagillion things to his to do list, since I all of a sudden want EVERYTHING DONE NOW, and I CAN'T DO HARDLY ANY OF IT. That frustration really does always come back to gratitude though, because Alex is home to help, and we're doing alright. I'm normally such a huge stress case over money, but for the first time during a financial crisis (and our first lengthy financial crisis of this kind), I'm at peace. He's at peace. We know that things are working out for us in a way that is better than what we could have planned, and that while it won't necessarily be easy getting back on our feet, we'll be just fine. And because of Alex's help (and the tender, loving mercies of our Lord), our sweet little baby will be fine too.

Now we just need to name the poor little guy. Some of the names on the list so far: Tyce, Ethan, Mason, Wyatt, Ryder, and Hunter. His middle name will be Cozzens, my maiden name; at least that's decided. Oh, and we've also decided that his last name will be Berndt. Alex and I can't agree on anything for his first name, but we neither one have a strong feeling for any particular name either. Poor kid!

As always, we appreciate the love and support from our amazing family and friends. We're so blessed. May God bless you in all of your endeavors as He is doing for us!! (And may this rambling drug-induced email make at least a little bit of sense...). Hugs, kisses, and love to all you dear people who actually care enough about us to read this blog!